| She’d keep the three oldest – Tom, Tim and Tammy; giving Roxanne and Tina to private foster care for a limited time; and putting little Michelle and baby Jimmy up for adoption. Rachel’s poignant words are recorded in Children’s Aid files and painfully reflect her words: ” I can‘t give them anything – they didn‘t ask to be born, they didn’t ask to be poor . . . I love my children and want what’s right for them; but I’m scared they might hate me for it. I want to do what‘s best for them.” In the case file she describes Rachel as warm, affectionate, and extremely upset; feeling inadequate and having very good intentions. After the placement of the children, Rachel and her three oldest tried to carry on. Life was easier, but she clung to the hope of at least getting Roxanne and Tina back. Eventually, though, Rachel was horrified to learn that Roxanne had been adopted by her foster parents; and, Rachel was mistakenly led to believe, so had Tina. In actual fact, Tina remained in private care all along. Rachel could have reclaimed her at any time, had she known the truth. With the four children gone, Rachel began to experience bouts of deep depression. During that time she wrote a sorrowful letter to her father. (Only later did she realize she’d been writing, not to her Dad – he had died when she was a young girl – but, to her Heavenly Father.) |
“Dear Dad, How come nobody loves me? Nobody loves me! I don’t even love me! But if You were here, I know You would love me. Help me! Please just help me”
